side of fries

I forgive you Tom Petty
June 28, 2011, 7:52 pm
Filed under: 2012 watch

It’s been about five years since I began my one-sided feud with Tom Petty.  It started when Mr. Petty and his Heartbreakers became “co-headliners” with Pearl Jam on their 2006 tour.  (Sidebar: co-headliners is concertspeak for, the band you want to see will precede the add-on band and then do a sub-60 minute set through which the TP fans will not show proper deference to Mike McCready’s awesome shreds and will act all bored and shit). Ahem.  Since that time, I have hated Tom Petty and his music with the exception of “Last Dance With Mary Jane” and “American Girl” … and now finally, forgiveness.  Apparently history-minor-leaguer Michele Bachmann has been using “American Girl” at her rallies and Tom Petty said hell to the no with doing that anymore.  Score one for the constitution of rock and roll.

Fun fact:  “American Girl” was the song playing in the girl’s car in Silence of the Lambs before she gets kidnapped by Buffalo Bill.


this is what I get for watching a documentary
June 27, 2011, 8:00 am
Filed under: let's talk about me

I’m halfway through Food Inc. and hate everything.

who buys this crap?
June 21, 2011, 10:05 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

Ms. Grifter Junior has a new book about her life including how she got drunk on wine coolers (did she have 25 of them?) and ended up pregnant.   I think I can watch Teen Moms on MTV for free and see the same story AND it will be Palin-free.  Bonus.

meet a libertarian! then punch him in the neck (I kid!)
June 14, 2011, 7:18 pm
Filed under: libertarian


Reader, I’m assuming you’re an adult, which means you’re just as flummoxed as I by the phenomenon of people over 25, with IQs at or above bathwater, openly proclaiming themselves libertarian. I’m assuming you’re aware that every man-made object you’ve touched today involved some degree of regulation by government, and that you probably understand why, and perhaps are even conversant with 19th century fatality rates from railroad and industrial accidents directly attributable to laissez-faire. Or, if you’ve only been paying attention since the dawn of the 21st century, you might recall how large-scale domestic processors of meat, eggs, spinach or peanuts have behaved when they thought no one was watching, let alone how the Chinese believed a soupçon of automotive solvents added that certain something to pet food.

What I’m saying is there is no way you can believe this shit and claim to’ve thought anything out. And in a country which has seen armed international conflict over the shooting of a pig, mass panic over a science-fiction radio broadcast, injury to hundreds of its citizens who thought a picture of a lemon on a free sample bottle of dish soap meant it would zest up a glass of iced tea, and the career of Sarah Palin, the Great Light Bulb Rebellion is absolutely the stupidest political movement of all time.

And to conclude today’s effort to understand libertarianism;

I grow more convinced every day that libertarianism only exists to give young Republicans something marginally less repulsive to call themselves when they’re trying to get laid.

once more, with feeling
June 14, 2011, 3:39 pm
Filed under: Wisconsin

It was never about saving money.

and if that wasn’t enough …
June 11, 2011, 7:01 pm
Filed under: let's talk about me

I broke my blankety-blank blank blank sunglasses today.

I wish this was an article from The Onion
June 10, 2011, 1:50 pm
Filed under: religion

But it’s not.  Quoth the crazy person:

They say that I make the contention that gays caused the Holocaust. This is wrong. I have been very clear in my writings and everything I’ve said that the Nazi Party is responsible for the Holocaust.

But how did the Nazi Party come into being? The Nazi Party, ladies and gentlemen, was formed in a gay bar in Munich. And historians agree that Hitler’s earliest enforcers – the Stormtroopers, the Brownshirts – were almost, without exception, homosexuals. So it was homosexual thugs that helped Hitler to form the Nazi Party.

In other words: no homosexual thugs, no homosexual Brownshirts, no homosexual Stormtroopers; NO NAZI PARTY!